Well, for all of you faithful followers out there, my 100th blog is just around the corner. Anti-climactic as it is, it has been written for several weeks and will post Friday at the usual time. However, that doesn’t make it any less cool.
Seeing as how life is always interesting, constantly changing, and never boring, it always surprises me how just when I begin to feel like “I’ve arrived” that something drastic happens. Two things have recently tipped my world on its side, and I’ve had a pretty tough time dealing with my attitude and dealing with those particular issues…
My coping strategies for stress have not changed recently. I simply work out like a maniac, make sure I’m sleeping enough, have the heart to hearts occasionally when I need them, pencil in plenty of my friends (and girlfriend) during the week, and go from there. Interestingly, as one who bottles my emotions, the stress tank seems to be filling much quicker and more frequently than in the past. Not sure what that means, but somethings gotta give before I lose my mind (again)!
Seemingly, it could be that my world is coming to an end 11 months prematurely. Perhaps the rest of you will just have to wait until December for your worlds to come crashing down as 2012 draws to a close. However, I refuse to believe that things are that bad, I just need to be better about discovering the root of the problem and dealing with it directly.
My world was recently torn apart when someone near to me essentially tore out my heart, stuffed it into a wood-chipper, and then proceeded to light it on fire with a flame thrower before crushing into oblivion with a steamroller. It was so unexpected and so out of left field that it left me chopped off at the knees scrambling to find stability. I was more devastated than I originally let on, but I’ve still had a hard time finding a way to cope.
The second area I’m struggling with is having an open mind amidst conversations that may cause my spine to tingle or my hair to stand on end. As a very opinionated person and one who sticks to my guns, it’s very difficult for me to let certain issues slide, avoid stepping on someone’s toes, or having very strong, emotional reactions to statements. Again, that’s not necessarily the other person’s problem, I just need to learn how to deal with it… it’s just frustrating having to confront those feelings when I’m so much better at brushing them under the rug!
Emotions and feelings are something I’m not always adamant about acknowledging and/or discussing, even though I’ve had a wide variety of experiences since graduating college that have forced me to at least recognize what I’m feeling and experiencing. I’m slowly recovering from the “my world is coming to an end” feeling that burst onto my scene, and beginning to acknowledge what is going on in my head.
The most empowering part of this experience is that I can control how I react to my feelings. I can’t control how I feel; I can only accept it. It is, however, my reaction and actions based on those feelings that will have the greater impact on my life…