I Am a Nice Triathlete, Not a Mindless Eating Machine

Hello, my name is Russell. I am a nice triathlete, not a mindless eating machine.

As is tradition, the first person to pick up the movie reference from the title and let me know what it is gets an extra bonus high five or hug (user preference taken into account of course). Honestly, I couldn’t help but laugh a little when I thought of this title…

So let’s see, the semester is going quite well although the days and weeks just evaporate at an alarming clip!

As anyone who has ever eaten with me, tried to feed me, or just been around me will know, food is a rather important part of my life. I will never, ever, ever, ever go without seconds (thirds aren’t unusual), and a well-timed banana smoothie can make my day or send me tumbling into a spiraling starvation vortex of terror.

My all time favorite “food moment” was in 2010 when I came home for two weeks for Christmas. Naturally, I assumed that I would be doing my family a favor by letting them see me for that long, however, it was not to be. At this point in my life, I was well into my triathlon career, fueled by excessive grocery consumption, and it just so happens that I had an unexpected surprise waiting for me. It was requested that I help pay for groceries during my stay! AHH, WHAT?!?! The unholiness of it all… Sorry mom, but you just got called out :-) Needless to say, my consumption habits have only worsened and now a grocery bill isn’t that unexpected when visiting. The simple shock value of that experience was just too good to pass up on.

Paying a silly amount for groceries isn’t so bad, and my friends will just have to learn not to be around me when I’m starving. Hulk-like rage fueled destruction may occur! SMASH.

Here’s a few keys to athletes surviving food deprivation comas:

  • Eat a lot, a lot – I easily eat six times a day. Split it up into more manageable chunks. I will typically have many 500 calories meals instead of three 1200 calorie meals.
  • Nom nom throughout the day – Every two hours it’s time to raid the fridge. Eat early. Eat often. Eat filling foods not processed crap.
  • Add an extra meal after exercise – Anytime I swim farther than a mile and a half, my metabolism just spikes and I’ll have to add an extra meal just to survive till lunch. Running creates even more metabolism explosion that will occur more frequently. If biking, make sure to bring a ton of food for anything over three hours.
  • Eat before your body eats itself – There’s nothing as awful as being so hungry that your body begins to consume itself, muscles, tendons, stomach lining, and all! Prevent the sleeping giant from waking by finding tasty treats to consume during the day when you feel the first signs of anger, food withdrawal, or other temperamental reactions to seemingly fine situations. Your body will thank you and so will those around you.

For those of you having a bad day, here’s something to cheer you up! Friday is nearly upon us. Make it a good one and eat to your heart’s content!

Picture credit 1. Picture credit 2.




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